A Whole New Rollercoaster

Well, here we are on a whole new rollercoaster. I have a feeling this one will be even worse than what I've already been on with my health. I will go along for a few days, maintaining my calm and then I find myself crying my eyes out. I'm trying to take control of my emotions and reactions by becoming as informed as possible and finding support groups that I can lean on. One I've found recently is the Blue Star Mothers, this is made up of mothers of soldiers. I even found a local chapter fairly close to where I live, which is great. Their website is at: http://www.bluestarmothers.org My boys are all trying to help me, I can tell they are a little worried about me. I heard one whispering to Mike, "Go answer Mom's questions" when I was saying something about needing answers to questions about what was going to happen, etc. I'm really lucky to have such great boys.

Waiting for the next shoe to drop......

I've been trying, really, to be positive. It's hard. I don't mean to whine, but there's always a reminder that my life is not anything like what it used to be. I know I'm like many others, and that there are many others who have it much worse than I. But sometimes it's really hard to keep that in mind. I had someone tell me recently that I'm still in mourning for the life I had before I became disabled, and I think they are right. The problem is that there is always a new diagnosis or earth shaking event happening that makes it hard to get out of the mourning and onto the healing process. Most recently, in the space of about a week and a half I found out that the reason I've been falling down and having balance problems is I have neuropathy in both feet, as well as carpal tunnel syndrome in my left wrist. At this point there's not a thing that can be done about either, but I will be stepping up my search for a really cool cane. Two days later I visited my Rheumatologist, and found out I have fibromyalgia, and apparently have had it for some time, she just forgot to tell me. And then this week, my youngest boy signed up for the Marines, to go for basic training this Oct. after he graduates from high school. I knew he would join, I know my boy well enough to know it was pretty much inevitable. And I'll stand behind him all the way, but still can't help just a little bit of panic every time I think about it.

So my solution will be to knit. I need something desperately to take my mind off of these new blows, and the thought that more than likely there are more coming. I've got some knitting to finish for a swap, and then I'm taking a break and finishing some things for my family and to make something just for me! I've been downloading patterns and I've got yarn piled everywhere, my stash is fairly overwhelming. I want to try my hand at designing patterns, too. I very seldom make a pattern exactly like it's written, so it occurs to me I should try making one of my own. If I show a talent for it, maybe it will give me a direction to take my life to start healing.