Sheila's Stitches and Stuff

Sometimes it's just one of those lives.......

2011-09-01T20:29:00.007-04:00

Believe it or not, I used to be a really optimistic person. I KNEW I'd be able to figure out a solution to any problem that had the nerve to cross my path, that I'd soon have life running smoothly again. I had bumps along the way, just like anyone else, but the bumps didn't really shake my faith in my ability to fix whatever came my way. But, following the divorce, the ex trying to get custody of my boys, and most of all my disability that left me unable to work, and effectively took away a large part of my identity, and I'd be the first to admit that my outlook on life just isn't as cheerful as it used to be.

But every now and then, out of the blue, someone reaches past this newly formed pessimistic shield of mine and makes me feel genuinely happy. Brings a real smile when one is needed the most. And usually it probably seems like a small thing to the giver, but believe me when I say it's huge from where I sit.

A friend of mine from Rav, a swap partner, sent me a package that has made my day and probably the best smile I'll find for several weeks. Part of the swap was to be a "softie" , a small stuffed item, either bought or made. And I don't know what hand of divine providence put the wheels in motion, but she made for me the very softie I would have chosen if given a choice, and out of yarn that I really love! Meet my alpaca. There were lots of other goodies included in the package (which made it's way to me from Belgium!). There was a skein of lovely robin's egg blue yarn, some super cool pens, several nifty notepads and cards and candy. Yeah for candy! The candy didn't make it into the pix, but then, it seldom does, lol! I'll be sending my package to my very thoughtful partner this weekend, and can only hope she likes it half as much as I love mine. If she does, it will be a great success.

To get stronger......

2011-07-03T13:41:00.005-04:00

At this point in my life I find myself with a lot more problems, both physical and mental than I ever expected to have. I'm still adjusting, still mourning my former life a bit, and I worry a bit about the future. And it's to this end that I'm starting physical therapy. I keep falling, which is bad enough, and then there's the landing which is even worse. The bruises are horrible, but the worst part is not being able to get back up by myself, arghhh! So I'm starting therapy to help my balance and hopefully increase my strength. The fun part is it's in a nice, warm swimming pool! I've had my first session, and I can tell I've used muscles that haven't been used in ages. A little sore in a lot of places. This is the therapy pool.

Forward progress?

2011-06-28T23:19:00.007-04:00

I spent the past year making squares for the Baker's Dozen group on Ravelry, and I feel like I've really improved my skills and learned quite a lot. But I know I've got so much to learn! I've been on a kick recently buying knitting books, pattern books, stitch books, just about everything. And I've found some really great ones. Probably my favorite right now is 10 Secrets of the Laidback Knitters by Vicki Stiefel and Lisa Souza. Check out www.knitpicks.com My favorite place to buy knitting stuff, and they're having a book sale! A terrific book for the beginning knitter and for the more experienced as well. I've always felt that the journey of knitting the project is as least as important as the finished project. This book takes knitting and leads you on a journey of discovery into the aspects of knitting that other books don't touch on. It encourages you to look at knitting from another point of view, one that I found fascinating. I would recommend this book to anyone.

Patterns are just suggestions!

2011-05-13T18:55:00.003-04:00

I'm working on a cardigan for my Mom. I started it over a year ago, planning to give to her for her birthday last April. Then I thought maybe I'd give it to her for Mother's Day. Didn't happen, arghhh! I got really busy with other knitting projects, but always in the back of my mind was the thought that I would certainly finish the sweater for her birthday this year. sigh Didn't happen. I didn't get to go and see her for Mother's day, but I am going to a family get together in a week, maybe I still have time?

My biggest problem with this sweater was that although I liked the sweater, there were some parts I just wasn't satisfied with. So, of course, I had to change them. I can't think of many patterns I've used over the years that I haven't changed in some way. Considering all the frogging I did on the sweater before I was happy with it, I probably could have had it done a long time ago! Oh well, if it turns out well, it fits her and she likes it, all the time and frogging will have been worth the effort.

A Whole New Rollercoaster

2011-03-17T23:14:00.004-04:00

Well, here we are on a whole new rollercoaster. I have a feeling this one will be even worse than what I've already been on with my health. I will go along for a few days, maintaining my calm and then I find myself crying my eyes out. I'm trying to take control of my emotions and reactions by becoming as informed as possible and finding support groups that I can lean on. One I've found recently is the Blue Star Mothers, this is made up of mothers of soldiers. I even found a local chapter fairly close to where I live, which is great. Their website is at: http://www.bluestarmothers.org My boys are all trying to help me, I can tell they are a little worried about me. I heard one whispering to Mike, "Go answer Mom's questions" when I was saying something about needing answers to questions about what was going to happen, etc. I'm really lucky to have such great boys.

Waiting for the next shoe to drop......

2011-03-04T17:55:00.003-05:00

I've been trying, really, to be positive. It's hard. I don't mean to whine, but there's always a reminder that my life is not anything like what it used to be. I know I'm like many others, and that there are many others who have it much worse than I. But sometimes it's really hard to keep that in mind. I had someone tell me recently that I'm still in mourning for the life I had before I became disabled, and I think they are right. The problem is that there is always a new diagnosis or earth shaking event happening that makes it hard to get out of the mourning and onto the healing process. Most recently, in the space of about a week and a half I found out that the reason I've been falling down and having balance problems is I have neuropathy in both feet, as well as carpal tunnel syndrome in my left wrist. At this point there's not a thing that can be done about either, but I will be stepping up my search for a really cool cane. Two days later I visited my Rheumatologist, and found out I have fibromyalgia, and apparently have had it for some time, she just forgot to tell me. And then this week, my youngest boy signed up for the Marines, to go for basic training this Oct. after he graduates from high school. I knew he would join, I know my boy well enough to know it was pretty much inevitable. And I'll stand behind him all the way, but still can't help just a little bit of panic every time I think about it.

So my solution will be to knit. I need something desperately to take my mind off of these new blows, and the thought that more than likely there are more coming. I've got some knitting to finish for a swap, and then I'm taking a break and finishing some things for my family and to make something just for me! I've been downloading patterns and I've got yarn piled everywhere, my stash is fairly overwhelming. I want to try my hand at designing patterns, too. I very seldom make a pattern exactly like it's written, so it occurs to me I should try making one of my own. If I show a talent for it, maybe it will give me a direction to take my life to start healing.

Squares, squares, and more squares!

2011-02-25T20:36:00.006-05:00

I'm coming to the end of the year of square swapping I've been doing with the Baker's Dozen Group on Ravelry. It was really difficult to keep up at the end of the year, but I'm caught back up and the swapping will end in March. I'm almost done with the second Feb. square, was going to do one thing, but then decided to go with something totally different. The new square is going well and I hope to have it out by Monday. I think I've learned a lot about knitting this past year and my skills have really grown, and I've enjoyed the swap, but I must admit I'll be glad to be done. I've got quite a few projects that are started, but far from done. Here are some squares I've finished for my two BD Groups.

I have to say I'm going to try to hold off starting any new swaps, etc, until I've finished Mom's birthday sweater, the top for Emily, and a few other things. I'd really like to start something for myself, I've been stashing yarn as well as patterns for something for myself, would love to get started. Here's a few new yarns I've been gathering for me:)

Gotta love yarn destashers!

2011-02-08T00:29:00.003-05:00

When I signed into Ravelry today I found a post from a lady who is de-stashing some of her yarns. And they are some really lovely yarns. Her prices are more than reasonable and the yarns are of great quality including some very nice Knit Picks yarns that I'm hoping to buy. You can find her at Alaskan Purl. But you should probably check soon, I doubt they will last long.

A Merry Christmas!

2010-12-25T21:36:00.008-05:00

My Christmas this year wasn't filled with lots of stuff. I think that sometimes we get so distracted by all that "stuff" we forget to slow down and enjoy the holiday. So this year I went the no stress route. I didn't get lots of presents made this year, the only thing I made was an earflap hat for my little niece Brylee, and that took an evening. The little thumb-less mitts took only a couple hours, I worked on them as we drove to my parents for Christmas yesterday and had them done for her shortly after we arrived. Nobody had a lot of money this year, so we went with gifts for the little kids and just little things at that. Everyone still had a great time. We didn't have a huge feast that would have meant someone spending the whole day in the kitchen, that just seemed silly. I wanted my Mom, who does the vast majority of the cooking to spend time with us instead and it was great being able to visit with her while she relaxed. That was the best part, spending time with my family and laughing. So I have to say that it's been a great holiday and a peaceful one. I hope everyone else has enjoyed their holiday as much. Enjoy these pix of our Christmas.

Wow! Has it been that long?

2010-12-19T01:15:00.002-05:00

Goodness! I didn't realize that I hadn't posted anything here since August until today. This fall was a really awful time for me, health wise. I started having problems with my balance and found myself on the ground numerous times. Also started noticing twitching in my hands and even in my legs when I was sitting. All really nasty symptoms. At first I thought it was a medicine I was on, and so my med was changed. The first med change was to a med that caused me to have swelling in my hands, legs, feet, etc. Ended up in the ER, and of course was changed to another med. This med didn't work and made my head so fuzzy I couldn't even manage to follow a simple knitting pattern. That obviously could not continue. About that time I saw a Neurologist, and he said the balance problem wasn't caused by the meds. (Yeah!) I took that info back to the other Dr. and was started back on the med I was originally on at my request. I've been back on it for several weeks now and am happy to say I can knit again. Such a relief! So now I'm busy trying to catch up on all the projects I've been wanting to work on/finish, and I'm slowly getting there.

My Review of Thermal sweatshirt by All American Comfort®

2010-12-18T23:34:00.001-05:00

Originally submitted at WomanWithin

The thermal knit sweatshirt with full styling and cozy texture. We offer the best price & fit in plus size thermal sweatshirts.

waffle knit for comfort
ribbed trim accents
crewneck pullover with long sleeves and cuffs
V-neck inset

A great top for winter layering

By Faded Lily from Danville, OH on 12/18/2010

Chest Size: Feels true to size

Sleeve Length: Feels true to length

Pros: Great Color, Comfortable, Flattering, Soft, Warm, Versatile

Best Uses: Layering, Going Out, Casual Wear, Cold Weather

Describe Yourself: Comfort-oriented, Practical, Classic

This is a great top! The fit is nice and the color, too. I've been wearing it as a layering piece and it works very well. It's warm and yet not super heavy wt. I also bought the hooded sweatshirt that is similar and between the two of them, I'm warm for the first time this winter.

(legalese)

My Review of Distressed thermal hooded pigment top

2010-12-18T23:28:00.001-05:00

Originally submitted at WomanWithin

The distressed wash makes this top look like you've worn it and loved it for years. Our plus size knit tops offer great style, comfort & value.

the must-have style of the season
long sleeves
notch neck
attach...

Love, love, love this top!

By Faded Lily from Danville, Ohio on 12/18/2010

Sizing: Feels true to size

Length: Feels true to length

Sleeve Length: Feels true to length

Pros: Quality Materials, Nice and warm, Versatile, Washes Well, Great Color

Best Uses: Casual Wear

Describe Yourself: Casual, Classic, Bargain Shopper

I really do love this top. I purposely bought it a little large and love snuggling up in it. For the first time this winter I'm warm. The sleeves are actually long enough for my arms, I'm tall and often find my wrists exposed (and cold, of course!) The hem is even long enough. I'm seriously thinking of getting at least one more of these in another color, don't want to miss out in case they aren't available in the future.

(legalese)

More pictures of the squares!

2010-08-03T01:42:00.002-04:00

Just wanted to add a couple pictures of the squares laid out together. Even though they don't all "match", I think they are going to look really good when made into a blanket with the other squares I'll get when I'm MoM of Eddy.

And more squares for me!

2010-08-01T16:08:00.002-04:00

My Squares as Group Gauge's MoM

2010-08-01T15:54:00.002-04:00

As the MoM for July, I asked for squares in purple and green colors and more solid squares, not real lacy as I want to put these into a blanket. These are the squares I've gotten so far.

Baker's Dozen Square for Group Eddy/July

2010-08-01T15:51:00.003-04:00

The MoM, Christina, plans to make dog blankets with her squares and donate them to her local dog shelter. So the squares needed to be washable and not have any holes, etc to catch claws in. I found this yarn at That Place on Market and thought it would work and it's pretty besides.

Lion Brand Organic Cotton Swap- My part

2010-07-08T13:24:00.004-04:00

I spent quite a long time on my part of the Lion Organic Swap. I wanted it to be very special as Jan is a very special person. I ordered organic soap from Mountain Mama at http://www.etsy.com/shop/mountainmamachic and some of the coolest pottery I've seen from The Muddy Muse at http://www.etsy.com/shop/muddymuse For the knitted part of my swap package I chose to make a shawl/scarf called Saroyan. It's such a cool pattern, and my first that included lace on such a large scale. The pictures of the package I'm including are the ones taken by Jan, her's are much better than mine! The lovely girl modeling the scarf is Jan's daughter. I also included a skein of the organic cotton, and a scarf pin that was my own. I wanted to give Jan something of my own. Here are the pics, enjoy!

June Swap for Group Gauge

2010-07-08T00:03:00.003-04:00

Our swap square receivee (is that a word?) for the month is beekay, a very nice lady who likes teals, purples, blues, she also wanted the yarn to be washable. After searching my considerable stash, I found this yarn. It is Red Heart, one of their better lines and had a nice feel against my hand. Again I went through a search for an appropriate stitch pattern (this part always takes me forever!). I finally found a stitch called Grass Stitch in the 400 Knitting Stitches book. I like how it looks with the yarn, I thing the contrasts with the stockinette and the Grass stitch is really cool. I think beekay will like it, too.

June Swap for Group Eddy

2010-07-07T23:25:00.004-04:00

I'm probably repeating myself, but joining this swap has been a great experience. I'm learning new stitch patterns as I'm trying to do each square in a different pattern. Also it's teaching me to finish project in the time needed. (Something I'm still working on, but I'm learning!) This square is for emayfieldz on Ravelry. As she lives in the southwest, I wanted to go with a southwest theme. I was searching through my huge stash of yarn (which will be the subject of a future blog, shudder), and came across this yarn that I had bought from Karl on Ebay. The colors are perfect! Faded tan/browns, blues, greens, rusts. The yarn is a very raw cotton, it even has little bits of the boll still in it. It's hand spun and hand dyed, and very sturdy when knit up. I used this same yarn in a different color to make a market bag and it's stood up to quite a bit of punishment by me, carrying pretty heavy loads. I looked through some my pattern books for quite a long time before I found a pattern that I thought fit the yarn. It's called Crossed Stitch and I found it in a book called 400 knitting Stitches (a very good reference!). It gives the square this really cool woven effect, which, of course, ties in with the southwest theme. Anyhow, overall I'm really pleased with the square, I just hope emayfieldz likes it, too. I'm including here some pictures of not only the square, but also the yarn and some of the other cotton yarns in the different colors. Most of the other yarns will probably be market bags. The bolls make the yarn a little rough for anything that would go against the skin, although the yarn does soften, and the bolls are removed as you wash it.

Lion Brand Organic Cotton Swap

2010-06-10T00:23:00.006-04:00

Wow and super wow! I'm a little late getting this posted as I received my package some time ago, but it's so wonderful, it still gets a wow! It really couldn't have been more on target if my partner and I had been friends for years instead of just having met on-line for a few weeks. The gauntlets/fingerless mitts are exactly what I've been wanting for ages and have never taken time to make for myself. Even the style is right on target and they fit perfectly! The lacy cowl/collar is so lovely, I've already thought of several things I will wear it with. The earrings (made of rose quartz and sterling silver), are in my ears even as I type. I'm using the stitch markers in one of my current projects. I've placed the sachets in my dresser drawers and the smell when I open the drawers is so wonderful. The dish cloth looks wonderful in my kitchen and the soap and facecloth are terrific in my bathroom. All in all the best swap I've been in, it will be hard to find a better partner in future swaps I'm in, and I really hope that my partner and I can keep in touch!

May Swap for Group Eddy

2010-05-24T10:55:00.003-04:00

And here is the May swap for group Eddy. This square is of a wool bought on Ebay. I like this pattern, it wasn't so hard to do once I did a few rows. I may just use it again.

May Swap for Group Gauge

2010-05-24T10:45:00.003-04:00

Okay, on to the second swap group I joined in the Baker's Dozen group on Ravelry! This lady likes color and so I found in my stash a yarn from the bunch I bought on Ebay from Karl. It's a cotton chenille. I ended up using two strands as I liked the look of the fabric better and it was easier on my fingers (stupid RA!) Here are a few pictures of the square.

Lovely/ugly trees

2010-05-24T10:36:00.003-04:00

I have these trees in front of my house. In the early spring they bloom and are really nice. The blooms/flowers are lovely. Unfortunately this only lasts for a few days, a week at most. After that they really are ugly and I'd be more than happy to cut them down. But I thought I might as well show them in all their glory, before they reach their ugly phase.

April Swap for Group Eddy

2010-05-24T10:20:00.004-04:00

Wow! Talk about busy! I was invited to join a Ravelry group that was doing a year long swap of 12"x12" squares, either knitted or crocheted. Eddy is the first group I joined. There are 13 of us in the group and every month we all send a square to the member of the month (MoM) based on her preferences of yarn wt, color, etc. So far it's been a lot of fun. One of the reasons I joined is that I think it will encourage me to learn some new stitches, and to practice and improve my knitting skills. I think it's working! The hardest part is picking the yarn and pattern. I'm trying to use yarn from my stash (thought this would be a good stash reducer, also!). These are pictures of the square I made and sent to the May MoM.

New projects galore!

2010-05-04T04:55:00.004-04:00

Well, I've gone from doing nothing, to doing quite a lot! Too much? I guess we will find out. I've mentioned before the square swaps which are really great. I've been meeting some very nice people and I'm having a chance to both try new stitches and even use some yarn from my stash (yeah!). I'm also doing a Lion Brand Yarn swap that I'm really excited about, it's one on one and that part is nice. It gives you a chance to get to know someone a little better. I've got a great project in mind for my partner, just waiting for the needles I'll need to arrive in the mail. I'm also working on a special gift (this swap is a recycled theme), I really hope she likes it! But I didn't stop there in my new activities. I've also adopted a soldier! This is something that's pretty important to me as my youngest son Mike is planning to join the Army Airborne after graduating next year and the soldier I've adopted is in an Airborne division. I'm hoping I can really send this soldier a little bit of home while he's over there and maybe raise his spirits once in a while. The group I've joined is called The Strength Behind the Strong, it really is a great honor to support these brave men and women who are risking their lives for America. May they stay safe.

Swaps and things

2010-04-23T01:57:00.004-04:00

Yeah! It's looking more and more like spring and I'm thrilled, really thrilled! The trees in front of my house are in bloom. I'm still not sure what they are, but they only have a few days each year when they are pretty, the rest of the year they aren't. In fact I'd call them down-right ugly. So here they are pretty, I like to take a few pictures when they're pretty, just so I can remember those few days!

Aside from admiring my trees, I've kept busy finishing a square for a swap on Ravelry. It's been lots of fun! This is the square I made. I used a yellow wool that was hand dyed by a guy I met on ebay named Karl. The yarn felt a little scratchy at first, but after washing it was much softer. The pattern is called Lily of the Valley.

Yarn, yarn, lots of yarn!

2010-04-20T04:26:00.007-04:00

Well, I've been going through a manic cycle, and that means I'm doing more housework than usual, and buying yarn like it will all be gone tomorrow! Here are some pictures of my newest yarns. Soooo pretty! I'm not sure what will be made of them yet, but I do have a good idea for the Malabrigo. It's going to make a cardigan for me for this fall/winter. The color is Autumn Forest and it is simply scrumptious to touch! Then there is the Rowan Colourscape chunky by Kaffe Fassett. So lovely and the colors are beyond description. I don't know what I'll use these two skeins for, but it will be something very special! (This yarn costs a fortune!) The Malabrigo chunky in Lettuce was sort of a last minute addition to my order, but I just love the color and I have several other chunky yarns I think it will go well with. I know I'll have lots of fun deciding what to make with these beautiful yarns!

Aside from buying yarn, I've spent more time volunteering at That Place on Market. I've got the yarns in pretty good shape as I spent last Friday and Saturday organizing and pricing all the yarns. And others have been organizing the rest of the shop, so we are looking pretty good.

I've also had a surprise in my backyard. We had a dogwood tree that had died out, and over the past couple years a little tree started growing up beside it. We cut down the dogwood this year, but I didn't want to cut down the little tree until I knew what it was. I had no idea what it was, but it was plainly not a dogwood. I sent a picture to my sister who knows far more about trees and plants than I do, and she tells me I have a crabapple tree. I think this is amazing as there are no crabapples anywhere in the neighborhood as far as I can tell. The only way I can think of that it could have gotten there was from the bird seed we had put in the bird feeder that was on the dogwood tree. We always managed to get seeds on the ground when filling the feeder, so I guess it could be possible. Regardless, it's here now, and is rather pretty, as you can see from the pictures.

Sliding up and down

2010-04-09T02:34:00.003-04:00

For the most part recently I've been fighting a pretty severe depression phase, and then during a change in medicine, I've been riding a manic phase. Wheeeee! The manic phase wouldn't be so bad if I could keep myself from buying yarn while I'm in it. I'm afraid I visited ebay and Knit Picks and came away a bit poorer.

On a slightly more positive note I've been working on Mom's sweater. If I don't have it done before her birthday, I'll give it to her for Mother's day, I'll just wait and see how it goes. I like the Lily of the Valley stitch pattern I'm using instead of the one the pattern called for, much prettier.

I'm starting work on the helmet liners for the troops that I had worked on in the past. A KAL was started in one of my Ravelry groups so I thought I'd join in.

I'm also getting ready to cast on a blanket for the living room with some Lion Brand Woolspun I have, should be very soft and warm. So much knitting, I'd better get back to it!

Montgomery Scott's Hat

2010-03-17T00:29:00.003-04:00

I mentioned this hat in my previous post, but didn't have a pic. Here it is!

That Place On Market

2010-03-16T10:58:00.008-04:00

I thought I'd post some pictures of the place where I'm volunteering. A really nice place, not just in the goods they make and sell/give away for charity, but in the actual appearance and the people who volunteer there. I've been working hard to organize the yarn we have (and we have quite a good selection!), and spent some time this past Saturday winding some yarns into cakes. I'm hoping to go back through and price some yarns that haven't been priced, and I have a sweater that someone brought in I'd like to finish. There's always something to do! I am having a good time, it is nice to see human beings face to face, not just ones I meet on-line (although I really enjoy interacting with my on-line friends, also).

I've been horribly sore this weekend, and as a result more than a little down. Maybe it's just the weather, but the RA has really been playing havoc with my joints. The new med, Colchicine that my Rheumatologist prescribed hasn't helped at all as far as I can tell.

I finished the Montgomery Scott's Hat for my brother Clinton. I wrestled with the short rows needed for two of the sides, but eventually managed to figure it out. Or at least did something that looks right. Then I wrestled with the stitching needed for two of the seams, again finally figured out the instructions, but it took me forever! But, it's done and as soon as my brother gives me an address I'll be sending it off to him. I figure as we are in Ohio, we will have a few more cold days that will require warm head gear.

Trying a New Direction

2010-03-12T02:28:00.004-05:00

Life can be (and often is) pretty miserable when you have not only chronic pain, but also Rheumatoid Arthritis. When you add the joys of bipolar and depression, it gets close to unbearable. I've been struggling along, trying just to survive, and honestly I'm pretty sick of it. So I'm making an effort to change some things in my life. I can't change my diagnosis and what they, to say nothing of the side effects of the numerous meds I take. But I can make an effort to change some of my responses to my bipolar. So instead of constantly hiding in my house in my old, pink fuzzy robe, I've volunteered to help at a place in my town called "That Place on Market". It's a non-profit shop that makes and sells or gives away hand made items that are sewn, knitted or crocheted. They also have lots of fabric, yarns and supplies for other needle crafts that are for sale. I'm still amazed by the lovely little dresses, hats, mittens, etc that's in the shop, just beautiful! There's always something to do, for the last couple times I've been there I've been organizing the yarn. I can assure you there is a wide variety of yarns to be had! This is the address for the shop if you are interested. The website is still being developed, but the basic info is there. http://www.merchantcircle.com/business/That.Place.On.Market.740-599-7768 Just getting out and seeing real people has already helped my mood. I'm still having some very bad days, the the RA has been especially recently. At least while I'm volunteering it helps me to ignore some of the pain. Amazing what the mind can do if you let it!

Hanging in there with all 10 fingers and toes

2010-02-09T01:14:00.002-05:00

That's what I usually tell people when they ask how I am. I mean, how are you supposed to answer a question like that. People don't really want to hear today's list of aches, pains and worries, they're really just saying hello. Even a really nice person who really cares does not have the time to sit down and listen to you. So how to answer? Saying fine is a flat out lie. I'm not fine, I haven't been fine for a long time and don't figure I'll be fine anytime in the near future. Maybe something along the line of "same as always", if they know you they will understand. I guess you could just ignore the question or answer with a statement of your own, something along the lines of "don't you look well today!". That would work, I suppose. If someone really wanted to know, I guess you could give them your whole list of problems and current complaints. But since most people have enough worries of their own, I don't think that would really be very nice. Maybe we could all just say hello instead, that would make it so much easier!

Way down at the bottom of the hole

2009-11-04T05:53:00.003-05:00

I'm having trouble getting motivated these past few days. Between the Rheumatoid Arthritis (pain in the shoulders, fingers, wrists, etc, etc ), the ileo-sacral joint pain, the abdominal pain (from all the surgeries and scar tissue), the depression is steadily getting worse. I know I'm in a bad place when I can't even get up the energy to check out my Ravelry groups! I did manage to leave the house long enough to vote yesterday, (and buy some chocolate!). I think the meds for the depression and the RA need increased, if I could only manage to make the phone calls it might even happen. I couldn't even bring myself to answer the phone most of yesterday. I'm hoping today is better. At least I know my cat Opie loves me. He's sitting here beside me head butting my arm. Of course he could just be trying to let me know the food dish needs attention. I'm trying not to be whiney. There are many, many others who are much worse off than I. But sometimes it's just so hard to see any light here at the bottom of the hole.

Working On Presents

2009-10-16T11:39:00.003-04:00

I've been working on presents non-stop, for what seems forever. I love making presents for others, especially my family, and with my budget being what it is, I try to make everything I can. I managed to get a sweater made for my niece in time for her birthday. Kind of amazing for me to manage to get something done on time! So yeah! (See the pictures) I'm also working on Christmas presents. My plan is to get all the presents done before December 15th. Not even sure that's possible, but I figure it's worth a try! Last year I was frantically trying to finish presents on Christmas Eve. I really don't want to do that again. Awful. We exchanged names this year, so we have four presents to give from my family. I've finished the scarf my son is giving my brother, so that's one down. (See picture.) I don't think I can come up with something knitted to give my 14 year old nephew, teenagers, at least boys, don't really enjoy hand knitted things as presents. So for him we'll need to come up with something else. Then there's my Dad, who owns everything! He's always a hard one to get a present for. I'm thinking a pair of comfy, wear around the house, and maybe to bed on a cold night socks. I've also got a present for my sister-in-law to make, she's another one who's tough to give a present to. I'm thinking a pair of the comfy socks might just be a winner for her, also. I'm pretty sure it's something she doesn't have and it's something she might actually wear. So now all I've got to do is get all these things made (ha-ha). I'm getting faster, but I'm still not what anyone would consider fast. Oh well, I'll just have to work as fast as I can! I've got to get all this stuff finished so I can start some of the projects I've been wanting to do for myself. So, knit faster, knit faster!

A pretty good weekend

2009-07-19T23:42:00.002-04:00

I actually got out of the house two weekends in a row! That's got to a record for me, (at least in the past few years). I went to a retirement party for a couple I've known for 30 years and saw people I haven't seen in what seems like forever! Some of them looked just the same and some had changed do much, I didn't even recognize them at all. I thought to myself, it's probably the same when they are looking at me. I've changed myself in the years since I saw most of them, I just hope it was for the better, at least physically. I surprised my self by actually having fun and since I'm going out next weekend to a family reunion, maybe I'll have fun again there. I'm going to try my best to get out at least 2-3 times a week, I think I'll be better for it. I've been working hard on the blanket I'm making for my nephew's birthday, but I have a feeling I won't get it done in time. If not, I'll finish it for Christmas and send something else for his birthday. But if I'm close to done, I'll go ahead and send it late and blame the post office. He lives in Maine, it takes forever to get mail there anyhow. I must admit that a blanket can get a little tiresome at times, it seems like so little progress because of the length of the rows. I'm using different stitch patterns as I go along, both to make it look nice and to keep it interesting so my attention doesn't wander to the other projects I've put aside to finish this blanket. I've go so many things in the works, right now I just want to be able to say that I've finished something!

Didn't realize how long it had been

2009-07-12T16:11:00.005-04:00

Life has been going along on it's usual path and I just didn't realize how long it had been since I had last posted here. The high- (or perhaps I should say low) lights of June were finding out that I have Rheumatoid Arthritis, and my favorite cat Chuck Norris dying. His death is still something I can't talk or even write about without falling apart and crying. So we will go on to something more cheerful, my new diagnosis. I was so hoping that the pain and difficulty in using my hands was not Rheumatoid Arthritis, but my doctor sent me to a specialist and yup! that's what it is. On a positive note, the med the specialist put me on is used for malaria (in much larger doses), so my PCP says I'm now protected against getting malaria. Great isn't it? I've been trying really hard these past few days to find some kind of positive in life, and I have to say it has been hard. But as least I'm trying. We did go to the Ohio Hills Folk Festival yesterday, at the urging of my Mom and Dad, and it was fun. I'm trying to get an afghan made in time for my nephew's birthday at the end of the month and so I'm working on it at every opportunity. May sound strange, but I took it with me to the fest and got quite a bit done. I figured there would be times I would need to sit for a bit and rest, and I also worked on it while we were watching the square dancing. I had to fix a few mistakes then, it was sometimes hard to concentrate while watching, those people really get into their dancing! It was fun to watch. It was good to get out of the house, and even though today I feel like I've been hit by a truck, I'm glad we went. I took some pictures, some of which are posted here, the rest can be seen on my flickr page at this address: http://www.flickr.com/photos/fadedlily/

Knitting as therapy

2009-05-29T16:58:00.002-04:00

Have you ever just sat and knit something, usually a swatch for nothing in particular. I found myself doing that the other night. I literally knit for hours, and yet made nothing. I'd get to a certain place in the swatch and rip it out, then start over again. All the while I was doing this, my mind was focused on some problems I was trying to come to terms with. Even when I'm actually knitting on a project, I usually find myself in this "knitter's zone", and sometimes don't even notice what's going on around me. I find I'm calmer if I have needles in my hands. If I'm in a situation that makes me anxious or uncomfortable, I either grab my knitting or I wish desperately that I could. So I've decided, as no doubt many other knitters have in the past, the knitting is my therapy, my Xanax, my method of coping with pressure. I just hope I never have to do without it, would be to horrible to imagine. Of course, with the size of my stash and the number of needles that I've accumulated, it will be along time before I'm without the equipment I need to cope with life.

Making Progress!

2009-05-25T10:58:00.003-04:00

I'm making progress on the Lion Brand KAL. The blog posts from the designer really help. I've substituted seed stitch for the textured rows. I think it is a more subtle effect that will work better with my chubby arms.

Great Lakes Fiber Show

2009-05-25T10:37:00.005-04:00

Yesterday I went to my very first fiber fest. Now I want to go to all of them, and I want to take tons of money with me! I was taking a class at pm, so I spent the time before that wandering from vender to vender wishing desperately for more money and trying to remember where the things I really liked and considered actually buying were. There were tons of beautiful things, roving, hand spun and hand dyed yarns, baskets, and woven items. If I had had more money, I probably wouldn't have been able to get everything in my car. I only had a small amount, but I hit the jackpot when I found some Lamb's Pride which is a mohair/wool blend from Brown Sheep Yarns in this really great shade of purple for only $4 a skein! I bought as much as I could and only had change in my wallet, but I didn't mind a bit. Here are some pictures of my big find! I really did have a great time. Took a lace class, also from Annie Modesitt. I learned a lot about reading charts and figuring out the pattern in a lace design.

Another KAL?!

2009-05-08T13:42:00.005-04:00

I signed up for another KAL! This one is on Knit Picks and is based on the book Knitting Goes Large. What was funny was that I had ordered the book just a few days before finding out about the KAL. There are many beautiful patterns in the book, but the one I was drawn to was the Cabled Bag. I've been wanting to try cables for a long time now, but I found them quite intimidating on a garment. To me, this looks like a more doable option. Still, can't believe I've signed up for this. I already have more projects going that I need. Aside from the other KAL, I'm finishing a sundress for my niece, a purse for another niece, a baby layette, a beaded wristlet, and was toying with some patterns for a skinny scarf. My knitting bag runneth over! Maybe, if I knit non-stop, with only bathroom breaks and with my boys occasionally throwing food my way, I might finish by the time I'm 80!
I've decided on the yarn and found a fabric that I'll use as the lining. Really love the colors!

A beautiful spring day!

2009-05-04T16:59:00.005-04:00

Even I, who really doesn't see sunlight all that much, had to really enjoy the weather today. It was absolutely beautiful! The sun was shining, birds singing and doing whatever it is that birds do. I was even inspired to leave the house and run a few errands.

I'm in the middle of several projects, but couldn't resist when Lion Brand said they were starting another KAL. I've chosen the yarn, made my swatches and am almost ready to cast on the first stitches. I'm trying to add pictures of my KAL yarn/swatches. Hope they show up!

Okay, enough whining!

2009-04-27T23:49:00.007-04:00

This is something I have to tell myself from time to time. But there are times when it seems everything is just piling up so that there is no way to come out on top. When I start feeling this way, I usually turn to one of my projects. This past week I finally finished the sweater for my Mom, even got it mailed out yesterday. It's not the sweater I started out to make for her, I may make that one for Christmas. This was actually a sweater that I started for my sister-in-law for this past Christmas, but didn't get finished in time. My Mom admired it then, so when the other sweater I had started for her just wasn't working out, my middle son reminded me of this one and how much Mom liked it. It was already mostly done, and so I was able to get it finished in time, all I had to do was finish the trim on the sleeves, increase the length, and add a border along the front edges. The yarn was a rayon that was hand painted in shades of deep pink/mauve and blues on a cream colored background. I forgot to take a picture before I mailed it out, but I'll try to get a picture of Mom wearing it to post here.

Another day, more frogging done...

2009-04-18T10:05:00.007-04:00

Okay, started a sweater for my Mom's birthday. She's great, and I love her, but she's not the easiest person when it comes to gifts. We have very different taste when it comes to clothing and while I might enjoy a sweater in an interesting color or style, she prefers something that can be worn with everything in her closet, something very neutral, and something that is wash and wear. So instead of using something from my stash, I bought some Vanna's choice in a color called Pearl Mist and started knitting. I'd been working on it for several days and then found that I had made an error several rows before. It wasn't a catastrophic error, but it was bugging me, so I decided to un-knit a few rows and fix it. But the more I un-knitted, the more errors I found. (I would often fall asleep while working on the sweater, as I said a very neutral color.) Finally I said the heck with, or words to that effect and just ripped the whole thing out! I'll save the yarn and maybe try the sweater again in the fall. So now I'm in the process of finishing a spring/summer cardi that I had, in fact, started last fall for my sister-in-law. I ended up giving her something else for Christmas as I hadn't finished this cardigan, but my son reminded me that my Mom had really liked it when she saw me working on it. Sooo, with a few alterations for sizing, I will hopefully get this gift finished in time for her birthday later this month. Actually, I have a much better chance of finishing this cardigan than I would have had finishing the other sweater, so maybe the errors were really for the best!

How to Survive With Your Mind (Mostly) Intact

2009-04-05T16:29:00.005-04:00

I think the thing that is most important is to keep your mind busy, even if you can't do much physically. I was unable to move about much, so I turned to crocheting, something I've been doing since I was a child. I made blankets, lots of BIG blankets, for my sons, my Mom, my brother, etc. I'm talking blankets so big they covered my 6'2" sons from head to toe with room left over to tuck the blanket in on both ends. I let them choose their own colors and I think that the colors they chose where really interesting. It was really fun to see their interest grow as their blanket got closer and closer to completion. And it is very gratifying to know that their blankets are always on their beds, except when they want a blanket downstairs to cuddle under while they watch a movie. After I had made blankets for most of my family, I started to think about knitting. I'd wanted to try it for some time, but of course with work, I'd never found the time. But now, with all this time on my hands, I thought why not? I found a web site www.lionbrand.com that has very extensive and easy to understand instructions with clear illustrations, bought a kit that was titled, "I can't believe I'm knitting!" from my local Walmart, and some yarn, and then I was on my way. Just a matter of keeping mind and hands busy together.

Okay, here it is, my first blog! (Not sure if I should laugh or cry)

2009-04-02T05:13:00.004-04:00

I've got to admit, I never thought I'd be a "blogger". I've never had anything against the idea, just didn't think it was for me. But as the title of my blog says, I needed something to help me keep my sanity. My life had gone along pretty well for the first 30 years. Good childhood, met and married what seemed like a good steady guy, had 3 great boys and even went back to school and got an education (I'm an RN). But somewhere along the way, my life became a soap opera. My husband started cheating on me with my brother's wife (honest!), and as he obviously liked variety, he checked out a few other married women. So fast forward a few months, and he finally moves out of the house, on Father's Day! But life did go on, and after some adjustment, I found out that my boys and I were actually happier without him living with us. We settled back down, I kept working (thank goodness for that education!), and of course taking care of my boys. Fast forward a few years, and I find out that my oldest son is not just depressed, but is bipolar. While this did explain so much about the problems the poor kid was having, it was still a pretty traumatic event for us. But again, we hung in there, adjusted some more, my son took his meds and life evened back out. Now along the way, and I can't imagine a woman out there who would not understand this, my weight kept climbing. I had gestational diabetes with two of my pregnancies, and was told then that I would probably become diabetic within 10 years. The prediction was unfortunately accurate, and so I added diabetes to the growing list of health problems associated with obesity that I already had such as high blood pressure, and sleep apnea. Fast forward again to 2005. I start having this lovely happening after meals: if I stood up or was too active after meals, I would throw up, repeatedly, until it was only dry heaves. Needless to say, not something I wanted to keep doing. After a false diagnosis at my small local hospital, I finally found out I had a large ventral hernia. For the hernia repair surgery to be successful, I needed to loose weight. I weighed 425 pounds at the time. My insurance, of course, wouldn't pay for gastric bypass surgery. I finally meet a surgeon who agreed to do the hernia repair, and to basically "throw" the gastric bypass in for free. But, as we all know, things could not possibly go smoothly. A week after surgery, although I was having no problems as far at the gastric bypass surgery is concerned, I started to notice an odor, sort of like rotted broccoli, around my wound. Yup, major wound infection that leads to the wound, which stretches from sternum to pelvis, being reopened and debrided. Then the wound was left open to heal from the inside out. The wound required dressing changes (long, complex, tiring, painful) twice a day. Before I had the surgery I had been working for a home health agency, so of course they are the ones I had called in to take care of me. Only problem--my home health agency was not covered by the insurance I had through that home health agency as an employee! Believe me, was confusing to me, also. By the time I learned this, the nurses had been coming out a week, and I found out that I was going to have to pay for all that time out of my pocket. Eventually, once I knew I wouldn't be able to go back to work anytime in the near future, I had to resign my position at the home health agency and apply for Medicaid and my nurses and supplies were again covered. Okay, fast forward again, to a year later, fall of 2006. I get to have another hernia repair, this one more permanent as I had lost 125 pounds. But guess what? The first surgery wasn't just a fluke--I again end up with wound infections and a huge abscess that led to 3 other surgeries. It again took a year for the huge, gaping wound to heal, then in the fall of 2007, a plastic surgeon takes off 18 pounds of excess skin from my abdomen, the loose skin from where I had lost weight. Unfortunately, I still had trouble healing, but at least that time, it's a more closed wound and not nearly as large, so I could at least handle the dressing changes alone. But I was also left to deal with chronic pain that the surgeons think is due to scar tissue from the many surgeries. And to make life even better, I learned that perhaps I'm not just depressed, I'm also bipolar, and all these stressful events over the past few years have brought it out. So I got to add some more medicine to my already overcrowded medicine box, and just wait to see what the next even will be in my soap opera life. To make it through all this, and to keep my hands and mind busy, I had to find something that I could do while recovering. (Next blog: what I've done with my time over the past few years, since I'm still unable to work, and no, I haven't turned to a life of crime)